HOLY HERETIC – December 9, 2018

“I am the mother and the daughter.
I am the members of my mother.
I am the barren one and many are her sons.” – Thunder Perfect Mind

Today’s featured transit: Transit Mars and Neptune conjoined in Pisces and conjunct natal Saturn in Pisces in natal 1st house

Who is a mother really?

Is it the person who gave life to you?

What about the person who remembered how cute you were as a baby and reminisced about how she used to dress you up and how everyone ooohed and aahed over you? What if your "real" mother didn’t seem to remember you that way?

What if that person who bore you rarely had a kind word for you growing up and, now that you are grown, is so quick to point out what's wrong with you? What if that person provided the minimum of what you needed for your physical well-being, but you always had to find real soul sustenance from others? Was she really your mother?

What if that person, who literally almost died giving birth to you, always let you and your siblings know that she never wanted you? That you kept her from doing what she really wanted to do with her life? What if she imparted to you such a fear of having children under less than perfect circumstances (securely married, financially stable) that you waited too long and now can’t? You never wanted your children to feel unwanted, unloved, like they were burdens. But of course, those perfect circumstances never exist. And now it’s too late.

What do you owe that person who resented everything she did for you while she raised you? God forbid that you asked for anything as an adult because any admission that you needed help was considered a failure. After all, she raised you, you shouldn't have needed anything other than that. What do you owe her?

What if that person, who had many grandchildren and great-grandchildren, seemed to feel disconnected from them? What if she felt as if she had no obligation to do anything for them whatsoever? She must have felt that way because when she did do something for them, she complained about it so bitterly.

So, who really was my mother? Was I born an orphan?

Today’s action: Define what “mother” means to you. Think about all the ways in which women who are not your mother have nurtured you. Have you had the opportunity to nurture people who are not your physical children? Are you any less of a mother to them because they are not your blood?

Today’s sharing: I have no children of my own. However, I still feel connected to children and have had relationships with children where I was more connected to the child than their actual mother. I’ve always felt that experiencing pregnancy was never required to make a woman into a mother. I also know that it is not too late for me. There are so many children in the world whose mothers cannot, or will not, care for them for so many reasons. I just wish that we would stop assigning worth to women based on the choices that they make in regard to their decisions to have or not have children.

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